it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
