my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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