I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
