in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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