Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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