I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
