fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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