i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she smelled like a LAN party
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
