It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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