That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
