I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
