Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
areolas are like halos for boobs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
