is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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