I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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