Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
