Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
