Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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