we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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