I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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