Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
