you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
