i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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