I'm lost and stupid without you.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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