you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
