hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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