So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
