he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
