oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
