I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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