I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
