Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
