turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
