I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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