Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
