Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
