i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
