so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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