So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
