Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
