Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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