I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
