You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
