i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
