I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
