Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
