I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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