see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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