I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
