You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
