By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
